Meg Chittenden Waves
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Advice to Beginners

the PREZ SEZ

by Gar Anthony Haywood

Many years ago, when I was what is today quite commonly referred to as a "pre-published" writer, my idea of a cover letter for a short story submission to Analog science fiction magazine went something like this:

Dear Mr. Bova (Analog's chief editor at the time): Here's another short story of mine for you to reject out of hand. Thank you for giving me the time it took you to open the envelope the story came in, and I look forward to receiving the latest Xeroxed copy of your fine magazine's heartwarming rejection slip.

Sincerely.

Gar Haywood

See, that was supposed to be sarcasm. Both a protest of my previous rejections, and a cry for help. I think the idea was to catch Bova's attention via his contempt, then shame him into publishing me.

It didn't work.

I make this rather embarrassing confession now because, since taking the oath of office as your president (which is really nothing more than a promise not to abscond with the chapter's funds), I have received a number of cards and letters from some of our affiliate members seeking advice and counsel as they strive for Active MWA membership. And sad to report, some of this correspondence is not too far removed from that with which I once blessed Ben Bova. Both in content and approach, they are clearly the work of writers who Aren't There Yet. Nothing wrong with that, of course, except that, just as I had no clue this was the message I was conveying to Bova all those years ago, I'm sure the people who wrote me are equally unaware of the counterproductive signals they themselves are transmitting.

Had Mr. Bova attempted to alert me to the Red Flags of Amateurism my submissions to Analog always included, it's possible I would have published much sooner than I did. But, as he was under no obligation to help me in this manner (and had in fact been given every conceivable reason not to), he never made that move. So I was left to discover the error of my ways on my own, over time.

Fortunately for you, however, I am not Ben Bova. I do feel obligated to yell 'Look out!" when I see a fellow writer ("pre-published' or otherwise) marching headlong into a bottomless pit of rejection and disappointment. So here is the ugly truth some of you are not going to want to hear. One man's short list of things not to do or say if you want to be taken seriously as a professional writer:

Making unproven accusations of plagiarism.

Offering to share credit on a piece of work.

Using business cards and/or letterheads with multiple job titles surrounding your name.

Listing works submitted in lieu of works published.

Attributing your unpublished status to a conspiracy of any kind.

Going overboard in describing the merits of your work. (i.e., using words or expressions like "incredible", "totally new", "completely unique", etc.)

While some might think I'm trying to be funny here, I assure you I'm not. These are the things that send editors, agents, and published writers running for the hills when approached by people requesting their help.

Never say I didn't warn you. G.H.

Copyright Gar Anthony Haywood 1998

Used with permission of the author.